Theme camp envy - 2001
by Adrian Roberts

So weāve been out here for a day now, and weāre already feeling that thing I call ćtheme camp envyä ö you know, how everyone elseās theme camp is so much cooler than yours. I mean, itās not exactly a newspaperās job to have an awesome theme camp or anything, but we canāt help but feel like weāre totally slacking.

The truth of the matter is, in the weeks leading up to Burning Man, we spend so much time and energy working on and preparing Piss Clear, that we donāt have any time or energy to spend working on the actual Piss Clear camp. Hell, this year, I was lucky to have even one day to shop and pack for what our friends in Fandango like to call the BFCT (Big Fucking Camping Trip). But somehow, I managed to pull it all together at the last minute ö it helps that this is now my ninth trip to Burning Man. Each year gets a little easier.

So despite our bevy of inspired ideas and best intentions, all we could manage to pull together was an RV, a canopy, a laptop, and a printing press. We publish some newspapers and deliver them, and thatās about it.

Our writers get me amped up for the playa
You know, sometimes I think we do this whole newspaper thing just to get ourselves psyched up for each yearās Burn. You see, most of the year, weāre pretty ambivalent about Burning Man ö that is, until around August. Thatās when all the articles and rants from our fabulous staff of writers start trickling in. And as I get to work reading and editing each one, I find myself getting excited about returning to the playa. Their words and stories get me amped up for Burning Man, so I wanna give a big shout-out to all my writers ÷ you rawk my world!

Stop by and say hi ö but no stupid playa gifts, please
If you want to stop by the Piss Clear offices (okay, RV) and say hi, well by all means, do it! But be prepared to be underwhelmed by our meager operations. We do like being social though ö thatās part of the reason we come to Burning Man, to meet new people ö so donāt be shy! Despite the snarky tone of some of our articles, we donāt bite. Really.

However, if you visit, please donāt offer us useless ćplaya gifts.ä This whole ćgift economyä thing has got to go. Despite its good intentions, in recent years it has fostered a mentality that says, ćIf I donāt give something to the people I meet at Burning Man, then Iām not participating properly!ä Whatever. Trust me, no one wants your landfill fodder. We donāt want to take your trash home any more than you do.

Here at Piss Clear, the only gifts we accept are booze and drugs. Well, okay, weāll make an exception for sushi. Oh yeah, and āzines. And CDs too, sure weāll take those. And blinky things, and glow stuff ö we love that shit. Oh yeah, and Atari 2600 cartridges. Oh wait, and stickers too, we love stickers!

Okay, okay, so weāll take anything we think is cool. But in case youāre not sure, you can never go wrong with booze and drugs.

This is my Real Life
Letās face it, part of the reason we do this newspaper thing is so we can get free stuff ö especially free drinks! Weāll own up to it. It works the same way in Black Rock City as it does in the Real World. If youāre ćpress,ä you get ćpress privileges,ä right? Iāve been spoiled. You see, back in the Real World, I actually work for a newspaper ö sitting in front of a Mac making text and pictures look pretty. That is, when Iām not trying to be a rock star with my band, Blue Period.

Itās funny ö most people come out here to Black Rock City to escape their Real Life. Instead, I come out here and get an enhanced version of it, since itās my own newspaper Iām working for, instead of someone elseās. And I prefer it that way. Why should I come out here and pretend Iām someone else? Iām the same freak in the Real World as I am out here. And I kind of wish more people could be that way ö if for no other reason than at least Iād be able to recognize them when I run into them on the street back home in San Francisco. Then I could stop using my stock comment, ćWow, everyone looks so different when theyāre not in the desert.ä Yeah, usually because back in the Real World, theyāre not painted blue and they have clothes on. Oh yeah, and when I meet them, Iām not on drugs.

Blue Period rocks! But where are they?
The one thing out here that is markedly different from my Real Life though, is the fact that I donāt have my band, Blue Period, with me. Sure, our keyboardist, PF, is part of the Piss Clear crew, but weāre not exactly going to be performing anywhere ö our days as an art-damaged synth-and-vocal duo are thankfully over. However, the other three guys in the band are a little annoyed at us for being here this week. I mean, shouldnāt Blue Period be playing tonight with Faster Pussycat at a club in San Francisco or something?

They just donāt get it. When Burning Man happens, there is simply no other place weād rather be. So why doesnāt the rest of the band come out here? Because convincing all five members of Blue Period to do a couple of non-paying gigs in a dusty Nevada town called Black Rock City is harder than you think. Besides, Iām not sure the techno-loving audiences of BRC are really ready for a glamorous kick-ass rock band. Blue Period isnāt tribal enough, and all our ćspace jamsä get crammed into four-minute pop songs. And have I mentioned that dust wrecks havoc on expensive band equipment? Letās face it, weāre a bunch of high-maintenence wusses when it comes to our gear.

Besides, PF and I need a vacation from the rough life of trying to be glamorous rock stars! Thatās why we come out here to be glamorous newspaper publishers instead!

Anyway, stop by and say hi. We might even have some Piss Clear stickers left.

© 2002 Piss Clear
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